2026
On Obtaining Consent From Plants
Asking subject organisms in biological studies if they consent to take part in experiments can reduce selection bias.
Bananas Have Peyronie’s Disease: Definitive Clinical Evidence That Nature Is Trolling Us
We present the first formal clinical diagnosis of Peyronie’s disease (PD) in a non-human, non-penile organism: the common banana (Musa acuminata, Cavendish variety).
Quantitative Evidence for the “Shit In, Shit Out” Hypothesis in Large Language Models
The axiom “shit in, shit out” (SISO) has governed system design for decades. We introduce a structured evaluation framework for Large Language Models (LLMs) composed of two diagnostic instruments: F.A.R.T. (Factual Ambiguity & Relevance Test) and T.U.R.D. (Token Utility Response Dependability).
The Total Synthesis of (+)-stupidity and the Consequences Thereof
Understanding the molecular basis for stupidity.
Fronds With Benefits: 5G -Induced Promiscuity in Polypodiophytra
Under the right circumstances, the 5G network can give plants wood.