We have adapted the techniques of scanning probe microscopy to devise a process for measuring ectoplasmic forces. Our method uses a hotel californium (HCf) probe tip with a demonic soul (DS) point defect. The process described allows for the easy collection of characteristic spectra and non-optical optical measurements of wavelength. We benchmarked our technique by characterizing gadolinium cobalt (Gd_0.2Co), which we found to be possessed by a red ghost with a density of malicious intent (DMI) of 0.218 ± 0.007 g/cm³.

We report a first-principles investigation of a novel W₄Os₂ cluster in which a tungsten shaft, selected for its record holding melting point (3422 °C) and general firmness, is counterweighted by a pair of dense osmium nodes. Calculations at the PBE/def2-SVP level predict a large aspect ratio, and a great personality.

It turns out that electrons are a bit like property: their value is tied to their location. A modest three-bedroom house in Manhattan could be valued at over $4.5 million, while an identical house in Frogballs Arkansas costs $8.50, asbestos included. This paper is a quest to find the world’s most valuable electrons. We began with intentions of making snide remarks about blueberries, but when we crunched the numbers, they told us a completely different story. Herein, we discuss our findings and present a grand unified electron pricing structure.

Metal catalysts are in everything: cars, factories, and even my wife. However, heavy metal catalysts are not good for the environment. In this paper, we report a novel catalytic approach to a more environmentally-friendly synthesis of gopnikadine. This was accomplished via Adilettes-assisted squatting (which decreased the activation energy of a crucial step by 193.7 kJ/mol) and optimised sunflower seed consumption.