This article is a detailed guide on how to commit glycocide.

Among the general public, the periodic table is the third most recognisable thing associated with chemistry, after Breaking Bad and the concept of hexagons. This glorified sticker-book of atoms has been growing steadily since the 1600’s, prompting many punters to ask “when will it stop?”. In this article, we will examine this question from two perspectives: energetic (via the Dirac Equation) and scholastic (via an index of student frustration).

“Electrochemistry” has emerged in recent years as a cutting-edge technique for generating shitty voltammograms, and apparently also has applications in science or whatever. Or does it? Herein, we report a series of novel methodologies for forcing those fuckers to admit that they were making it up this whole time.

This paper presents a novel method to prove the Riemann Hypothesis.

qPCR is a famously capricious and fiddly technique, bedevilled by poor reproducibility. When every other source of variation and contamination has been controlled, the only explanation is that the impurities are coming from actual devils. This paper outlines strategies to command, conciliate or banish malevolent spirits in a molecular biology setting.

This paper employs liquor-assisted computational techniques to derive the most efficient way to watch all fourteen episodes of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya in every possible order.

On this day, the 212.89th anniversary of the passing of La Marquis de Burette, we felt it was fitting to recount the remarkable story of his life. We have also described the lives and works of several other chemists whose names have achieved immortality by attaching themselves to pieces of laboratory equipment.

Vespa aaiiggghh Bloodyhell, 1824 are renowned for their defensive behaviour, complex social structure, and history for punishing human curiosity. In this unprecedented study, we explore the aggression threshold of V. aaiiggghh by inserting a human index finger into their nest entrance.

People say that watching VTubers brings them joy and results in higher life satisfaction. This paper harnesses the power of YouTube statistics tutorials to prove that spending more time watching VTubers does not correlate with spiritual fulfilment, but does make you more likely to fall in love with them.

A corpse and a bucket of nuclear waste walk into an oceanic trench…

We measured the percentage of drivers who waved us while driving across a desert, and extrapolated some findings about vehicle choice and personal fulfilment. 

This work is a fusion of very old and very new chemical techniques. First, we employed the oldest method of drug discovery by wandering around some woodland eating random plants and fungi. Then, we let AI do all the hard work of structural determination.

The winners of the 2025 Noble Prizes are presented and discussed. Let’s all hope that 2026 is a better year.

The language that scientific papers are written in is a needlessly complicated form of English called lingua wanka, which is dripping with corporate-style jargon and pompous bollocks. Herein, I talk about why that’s a bad thing.

The principles of chemical kinetics are harnessed to explain why theoretical researchers have a hard time losing weight. 

Necessity is the mother of invention. According to our mate Terrence from the local hospital, if he has to get the endoscope out one more time on behalf of someone who “fell backwards onto their shopping bags”, he’s going to spifflicate them. We feel that this constitutes a necessity, and this paper contains the details of our associated invention.

This article appraises the four best ways to convert base metals into gold. 

We recorded a cover of Ed Sheeran's "The A Team". We rewrote this melancholy ballad, originally about homelessness and substance abuse, to reflect the experience of doing a PhD, and somehow made it even more depressing.

The authors of this paper went above and beyond, and physically went to a mall to survey the public. Their question: do you like twizzlers?

This article provides corrections to conventional astrology to account for dark matter and dark energy.