Synthesis, Properties, and Future Prospects for Stayawake Juice

Abstract:  It is well established in our office banter that decreasing caffeine content in energy drinks is correlated with a global decline in academic productivity. Energy drinks must be getting weaker, as nothing else can explain why we now need at least four cans of Monster to achieve consciousness, when it only used to take two. According to our theory, undercaffeinated employees become more fragile and required more sleep to continue functioning, making them less effective and harder to be around. In an attempt to prevent our researchers from using inefficient mechanisms such as sleep to ensure wakefulness, we have developed a novel beverage entitled “Stayawake Juice”.