The periodic table has probably been the worst table in the history of tables! I’ve heard a lot of people say this. In this paper I will sign into an executive order a new Patriotic Table of Elements with American pride and splendor.

We applied the principals of green chemistry and OH&S to light artillery, and herein we report our findings.

Crystallisation, traditionally held to be governed by thermodynamic and kinetic principles, is in fact an inherently social process, dictated by group dynamics, observational bias, and the looming presence of authority figures.

We report the total synthesis of the supernatural product mobiustrine A, starting from isoheptane. The key steps in our synthesis were a [2+2]+[2+2] cycloaddition, a Bonnie-Clyde cross-conjugal visitation, an enzymatic epoxide unzipping, and a Morbin rearrangement.

Now the whole family can enjoy the crushing defeat of having their drug fail phase III clinical trials!

 In this work, we present Natural Stupidity (NS) as a pioneering anti-optimization framework for Density Functional Theory (DFT) calculations. While recent trends have seen Artificial Intelligence (AI) enhance DFT accuracy and efficiency, we argue that such progress has come at the expense of interpretability, frustration, and the cherished academic tradition of unnecessary suffering.

We report syntheses of hopamine and copamine, two recently discovered neurotransmitters of the phenethylamoan class.

Inspired by the emerging field of echocatalysis and an abiding respect for Dungeons & Dragons lore, we investigated the potential for "Bardic Inspiration" to influence chemical reactivity in coupling reactions.

We, the chemists of Twitter, here set forth our syntheses, that time may not decompose what our hands have brought into being. We report great and wonderful deeds, manifested by both theoretical and experimental chemists, and together with all this, we discuss the reasons why we sought to make labyrinthamine.