This article is a detailed guide on how to commit glycocide.

Among the general public, the periodic table is the third most recognisable thing associated with chemistry, after Breaking Bad and the concept of hexagons. This glorified sticker-book of atoms has been growing steadily since the 1600’s, prompting many punters to ask “when will it stop?”. In this article, we will examine this question from two perspectives: energetic (via the Dirac Equation) and scholastic (via an index of student frustration).

“Electrochemistry” has emerged in recent years as a cutting-edge technique for generating shitty voltammograms, and apparently also has applications in science or whatever. Or does it? Herein, we report a series of novel methodologies for forcing those fuckers to admit that they were making it up this whole time.

On this day, the 212.89th anniversary of the passing of La Marquis de Burette, we felt it was fitting to recount the remarkable story of his life. We have also described the lives and works of several other chemists whose names have achieved immortality by attaching themselves to pieces of laboratory equipment.

This work is a fusion of very old and very new chemical techniques. First, we employed the oldest method of drug discovery by wandering around some woodland eating random plants and fungi. Then, we let AI do all the hard work of structural determination.

The principles of chemical kinetics are harnessed to explain why theoretical researchers have a hard time losing weight. 

This article appraises the four best ways to convert base metals into gold. 

We recorded a cover of Ed Sheeran's "The A Team". We rewrote this melancholy ballad, originally about homelessness and substance abuse, to reflect the experience of doing a PhD, and somehow made it even more depressing.

The periodic table has probably been the worst table in the history of tables! I’ve heard a lot of people say this. In this paper I will sign into an executive order a new Patriotic Table of Elements with American pride and splendor.

We applied the principals of green chemistry and OH&S to light artillery, and herein we report our findings.

Crystallisation, traditionally held to be governed by thermodynamic and kinetic principles, is in fact an inherently social process, dictated by group dynamics, observational bias, and the looming presence of authority figures.

We report the total synthesis of the supernatural product mobiustrine A, starting from isoheptane. The key steps in our synthesis were a [2+2]+[2+2] cycloaddition, a Bonnie-Clyde cross-conjugal visitation, an enzymatic epoxide unzipping, and a Morbin rearrangement.

Now the whole family can enjoy the crushing defeat of having their drug fail phase III clinical trials!

 In this work, we present Natural Stupidity (NS) as a pioneering anti-optimization framework for Density Functional Theory (DFT) calculations. While recent trends have seen Artificial Intelligence (AI) enhance DFT accuracy and efficiency, we argue that such progress has come at the expense of interpretability, frustration, and the cherished academic tradition of unnecessary suffering.

We report syntheses of hopamine and copamine, two recently discovered neurotransmitters of the phenethylamoan class.

Inspired by the emerging field of echocatalysis and an abiding respect for Dungeons & Dragons lore, we investigated the potential for "Bardic Inspiration" to influence chemical reactivity in coupling reactions.

We, the chemists of Twitter, here set forth our syntheses, that time may not decompose what our hands have brought into being. We report great and wonderful deeds, manifested by both theoretical and experimental chemists, and together with all this, we discuss the reasons why we sought to make labyrinthamine.