Novel Necronuclear Mesospheric Mapping Methodology

Abstract: The practice of killing two birds with one stone is well established in the literature. However, as global stone stocks become depleted, innovation is demanded. Thus, in this paper we have pioneered a novel unilithotriaviocidal strategy. The three birds in question are a) we’re running out of places to put dead people, b) we’re running out of places to store nuclear waste and c) we lack a thorough understand of geological subduction zone processes. The stone we have developed to kill these birds is stuffing corpses with radionuclides and throwing them down the Marianas trench.