Drawing from the recent scientific consensus that the Earth is flat, we disclose a new model of atomic theory proposing that atoms are also flat. In fact, every subatomic particle is flat except neutrons which are shaped like little pretty stars. This postulate, dubbed Flatomic Theory™, is in perfect agreement with contemporary and classical experiments conducted by scientists who erroneously believed that the atom was shaped like a ball. Morons.

We report experimental conditions for the one-carbon homologation of terminal alcohols, to allow existing natural products to be made even bigger. This was accomplished by recovering an arsine-based war gas from WW1 artillery shells, and functionalising molecules with it. 

Sometime research doesn’t have to have an application. Sometimes it’s enough to make something that just looks cool. For example, consider the series of colossal chemical wagon wheels prepared in 2020.1 Another example is infinitene: a fuzzed polycycle in the shape of the eponymous symbol.2 Our work gets laughed out of Nature even when it has applications, so we thought we’d try something visually pleasing instead.

Chemists are constantly pushing the boundaries of synthetic methodology. More specifically, they are finding new ways of doing the same reactions they were doing 20 years ago, with a twist. We’ve developed our own iteration of this copy-catalysis by exposing chemical reactions to sounds. Unfortunately, sonochemistry already exists, so we’re using music instead and calling it “echochemistry”.

An investigtion of the evolutionary history of the drop bear.

Don Jalton Jose Jesus de Manchester y Birmingham (1730-1800) was an expatriot Spanish scientist and polymath who developed an atomic theory predating that credited to Dalton. Jalton can claim to be the real originator of modern chemistry. This article explores the life of a forgotten chemical pioneer.

It was a cold and miserable evening at the University of Redacted. Inside the chemistry building, a lonesome chemist makes his way to a glovebox, with a flask of DMSO in hand…

How much would it cost to make a batch of cookies using ingredients from Sigma Aldrich?

Prior to this work, transport processes were either classified as diffusion limited or thermodynamically limited. We report the discovery of a novel third type of limitation: giveadamn limiting.

A procedure for unwhipping cream.

Have you ever attempted to reproduce a literature procedure, compared your shitty bar-code style spectra to their exhibition grade masterpiece and exclaimed “how the fuck did they do that?” Then perhaps you too have encountered BS-NMR.

Urban dictionary defines procrastibaking as “the practice of baking something in order to put off doing something else”. We were putting off writing this week’s paper, and two pointless activities merged into one…