X-ray crystallomancy is one of the most powerful techniques for structural determination available to the modern scientist. This illiterature review provides a brief history of the field and a stepwise guide to the process of growing crystals, collecting X-ray data and processing it to a publishable standard.

A grease mediated Pd catalysed cross-coupling reaction has been discovered, developed, and unhelpfully studied. Our cherry-picked results show a highly strung reaction using a novel Pd-precatalyst and phosphine ligand. Density Dysfunctional Theory and destructive kinetic analysis have shown basically nothing, but we want to get the results out there before another group snipes our work.

Transubstantiation is the process by which the bread and wine of the eucharist is said to become the body and blood of Christ. The mechanism of this transformation is, shall we say, vexed, and has been for some time. The theology of this miraculous reaction is beyond the scope of this paper and the understanding of its authors. This study seeks instead to examine the chemistry behind it.

There follows a frivolous frolic through some very serious issues. The authors clearly lack an understanding of the topic, or a sense of decency and taste more generally. I find this unsuitable for publication in Nature, and suggest J. Immat. Sci. - Reviewer 2

This week saw the conclusion of the World Chemistry Federation’s transfer window for post-docs. Herein, the highlights of the trading season are summerised.

Embiggened by Boris, son of John, we proudly introduce the imperial unit for the quantification of chemical substances. Unlike units of the Metric System, the imp-mole will bring benefits the likes of which have never been seen.

 If you thought cubane was weird, this will blow your tiny mind.

This tool allows computational chemists to easily find the right basis set to give them the results that they want.

On April 1st 2022, the well-known fine chemical company Sigma Aldrich published the structure of a novel natural product: Rashnovinol A. We report the first total synthesis of Rashnovinol A, and a comparison of its spectroscopic data to the structure proposed by S. Aldrich et al

Palladium on carbon (Pd/C) is a widely used heterogeneous catalyst. It consists of a thin coating of palladium supported on activated charcoal, and is predominantly used in hydrogenation and hydrogenolysis reactions. Entirely by accident, we have discovered a new way to prepare this venerable catalyst.

A cautionary tale about the dangers of magnetic piercings.

Methamphetamine has been shown to be a miracle molecule. Previous literature shows the utility of methamphetamine as a relaxant, stimulant, painkiller, and nirvana catalyst. The biological mechanism for these effects remains unknown, but recent research has suggested that more funding can be diverted to studying meth for increasing its utility in healthcare, government, and educational institutions.

 In lieu of an abstract, or any semblance of a social or romantic life, Wright provides the opening line to her favourite dirty limerick- “There once was a man from Nantucket…”

A rip-roaring yarn! This paper has everything: a diabolical foe, a plucky protagonist, romantic interest and molecular sieves. This long-awaited sequel to “Impracticatechol 1: A Partial Total Synthesis” is the second instalment of Burnie’s epic saga: The Carbo Cycle.

There follows an exaggerated, ill-informed diatribe. Poorly thought out and peppered with grammatical errors, this work is of little merit and no significance. It is therefore accepted for publication in J. Immat. Sci. 

A song about finding love in the lab, to the tune of The Wombat’s “Greek Tregedy”.

We have observed the trend of combining analytical instruments in series, and extrapolated it to the max.

Drawing from the recent scientific consensus that the Earth is flat, we disclose a new model of atomic theory proposing that atoms are also flat. In fact, every subatomic particle is flat except neutrons which are shaped like little pretty stars. This postulate, dubbed Flatomic Theory™, is in perfect agreement with contemporary and classical experiments conducted by scientists who erroneously believed that the atom was shaped like a ball. Morons.

We report experimental conditions for the one-carbon homologation of terminal alcohols, to allow existing natural products to be made even bigger. This was accomplished by recovering an arsine-based war gas from WW1 artillery shells, and functionalising molecules with it. 

Sometime research doesn’t have to have an application. Sometimes it’s enough to make something that just looks cool. For example, consider the series of colossal chemical wagon wheels prepared in 2020.1 Another example is infinitene: a fuzzed polycycle in the shape of the eponymous symbol.2 Our work gets laughed out of Nature even when it has applications, so we thought we’d try something visually pleasing instead.