The following article presents alternative strategies for grading undergraduate chemists. In 2024, the practice of assessing students purely on their competence as chemists is antiquated and elitist. We advocate a holistic approach by incorporating publication history, project accessibility, mental health sacrifices and lab coat stain density into an assessment rubric.

The prevalence of online connection and communication opens possibilities for various groups to emerge unsupervised by the wider society, including potentially dangerous cults. This paper specifically examines whether the online group "Starknights," a fan community of virtual YouTuber Jelly Hoshiumi, meets the criteria of a cult.

The field of history is in a crisis. Worldwide, there are nearly 847 scholarly history journals producing approximately 14,000 articles every year. For centuries, historians have exploited the reserves of past events to write about, but this reserve is about to be depleted. Facing a catastrophic deficit of history, historians, ironically, are looking for a way forward.

A protocol for the synthesis of (+)-eluciferin is reported. This synthesis includes the first example of a Sapkowski-Bóbr-Kurwa reaction between an alkyl aldehyde and a gem-dichloride bearing a pendant carbonylimidazole attached through a Csp3-hybridised cyclopropane linker bearing multiple substituents (Sapkowski-Bóbr-Kurwa reactions between alkyl aldehydes and gem-dichlorides bearing pendant carbonylimidazoles attached through a Csp3-hybridised cyclopropane linker bearing single substituents have of course been previously reported).

We report a quantum leap forward in the field of nanocomputing, with the development of a fully-operational molecular computer. Our device, the DORF4000, contains discreet processing, storage and signal input/output domains, all in a volume smaller than the tip of a pin. To benchmark the DORF4000’s performance, we demonstrate that it is capable of running the video game Doom (1993).

We report the designed, synthesis and activity of a novel photoactivatable glucose derivative: a diazirine-conjugated benzoylated sugar (DiaBeTeS). We show that when cancer cells are treated with diabetes and subsequently irradiated with ultra-high doses of UV, they die.

By combining the domain of Wumbological mappings, the cocaine consumption of unsuccessful day traders, and electron sexuality, this work disproves contemporary notions of the union of the nucleus and atom by proving that all electrons are infinitely repulsed from the nucleus. I also want a density functional named after me. This density functional is named after me.

Defined not by natural selection but by coffee and Wi-Fi dependency, our study combines caffeinometric analysis, phantom vibration syndrome tracking, and neural network reliance surveys to expose the alarming extent of human-tech symbiosis.

This paper is a rebuke to every schoolchild who has ever asked “what’s the point of maths?”

This case report discusses a peculiar phenomenon affecting a 38-year-old academician who presented with a severe case of Citation Fever. This affliction, characterized by obsessive self-referencing and compulsive citation chasing, represents a looming epidemic in academia.

A novel phenethylxanthine-type stimulant was synthesised in extremis, characterised in vivo and tested in corpore meo. Simple, locally-sourced organic precursors were employed, and the synthesis was conducted in an artisanal camper-van kitchen.

A brief review of the 2024 Noble Prize winners is presented, marinated in sarcasm and smug derision