From Homo sapiens to Homo cyborgus: An Evolutionary Leap Fueled by Coffee, Smartphones, and Neural Networks

Abstract: Defined not by natural selection but by coffee and Wi-Fi dependency, our study combines caffeinometric analysis, phantom vibration syndrome tracking, and neural network reliance surveys to expose the alarming extent of human-tech symbiosis.

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INCOMPREHENSIBLE: Hey, I Want a Density Functional Named After Me Too!

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An Estimation of the Probability of a Coin Landing on its Edge