When one really hates one’s day job, and the hours pass like turtle turds floating on a turgid stream, the mind can go to strange places. In extreme cases, one might even spend hours ruminating on the names of sea creatures…

In a landmark incomprehensive study, we have reviewed the suitability of various materials as eating surfaces. A wide array of materials were examined, from wood to people, under a variety of conditions (wet, dry, dirty and clean). Figs were employed as a standard foodstuff in a series of double-blind, and partially deaf experiments, which uncovered that fire is a challenging surface to eat off, and that people make ethically questionable tables. Wood reigns supreme, glass glares, and dirt disappoints. The authors call for more funding, more figs, and fewer reflective dinner parties. Revolutionary. Possibly edible.

 In this work, we present Natural Stupidity (NS) as a pioneering anti-optimization framework for Density Functional Theory (DFT) calculations. While recent trends have seen Artificial Intelligence (AI) enhance DFT accuracy and efficiency, we argue that such progress has come at the expense of interpretability, frustration, and the cherished academic tradition of unnecessary suffering.

We report syntheses of hopamine and copamine, two recently discovered neurotransmitters of the phenethylamoan class.

Potential explanations for a two-tailed cat are examined.

Inspired by the emerging field of echocatalysis and an abiding respect for Dungeons & Dragons lore, we investigated the potential for "Bardic Inspiration" to influence chemical reactivity in coupling reactions.

We, the chemists of Twitter, here set forth our syntheses, that time may not decompose what our hands have brought into being. We report great and wonderful deeds, manifested by both theoretical and experimental chemists, and together with all this, we discuss the reasons why we sought to make labyrinthamine.