In the early 1800’s, British colonial endeavours in India were impeded by high rates of malaria. Innovative officers solved this problem by taking quinine (an effective but foul-tasting medicine) and adding gin to make it palatable. Thus, the gin and tonic was born, India was colonised, and alcoholic larceny became a British national pastime. Herein, we apply the same principle to treating major depressive disorder, hopefully with less divisive results.

We must regretfully conclude that the Septics have the right of it this time.